Guilty By Association

 

This week on our podcast (Spillovertea.com) we talked about when is the right time to put space between two people or brands if you feel the other may affect you in a negative way.

Let me give you some examples:

Sometimes when I have two political clients, even if on the same ticket, I won't allow them to be photographed together because it is a failure to the base image. What does that mean? Well, your "base" has a set of ideals regardless if they are your ideals or not. Another person's base also has a set of ideals. Even if you love the guy it doesn't mean one base likes the other. 

You may have an image issue, such as a sex scandal or DWI. Some might think those issues may affect the brand and would rather not associate with that. Some may choose to put distance for a time.

Many cases are invalid and unwarranted. They are based on rumors or a fear of social status change. In other words, being removed from a society or group of individuals they idolize. 

In most cases, the motive is fueled by fear. 

However, that fear can be valid. In other words who wants to stay friends with the wife of a child molester. Everyone rushes to "how did she not know?" Is it un-Christian not to befriend her? 

How can you know when it is appropriate to step away?

This answer is actually a lot more simple than it looks and it is easy to miss how simple it really is.

My phrase has always been "Lawsuits don't happen because bad things happen. Lawsuits happen because greedy people covered it up."

When people jump in to save the status quo and isolate an issue HUGE missteps happen. 

Now imagine that your horse came into your house and pooped on the floor. That is a lot of crap to clean up but everyone sees it, everyone smells it, but it can be cleaned out with a little time and patience. Now, imagine I came in frantically and started to throw water all over it and mop it all around because I didn't want anyone to see me walk out of the house holding a bag of poop. Hey, they may say "how did you let the horse in to begin with?" Or worse, what if they take pictures and tell people. That is how bad problems become huge issues. 

The simplest thing to do in a crisis management situation is not to panic. "Well geez Izzy, thanks that's super helpful." No I mean, don't sign anything hastily. Don't distance yourself or defend someone on an impulse. That could be a grave error. Get more information and ask questions more than you answer any.

Wait until your emotions have subsided. "How do you know if they have?" Imagine a callous. It's not that you can't feel, it's just that it's just kind of numbed over. 

Now, write everything down as you remember it. Regardless if it happened to you or you heard it from a friend or co coworker. Write down exactly what you remember being told and when. Document any texts, emails, or letters in the correspondence. Remember, that what you think you heard and what they actually said may be different so read things back. A lot of conflicts can be resolved simply in the details we didn't slow down to notice. Write everything from the smells, textures, colors, what kind of chair you are sitting in. Read a Sherlock Holmes book. It takes him 6 pages to describe how a man walked to the door and turned the knob.

Then tell someone else. The worst thing people do is keep things to themselves so when the fire starts there is only one person holding the matches. You. You are not protecting anyone. You are poisoning yourself.

Decide the end game. I had to learn a long time ago that what I consider justice is different than what you may see as justice. Some have boundaries. Some refuse physical care, therapy, or testifying. Know that these things will cost you some justice. 

Imagine wanting to get 1st place in a race but refusing to go to the gym. If you aren't proactive you aren't winning the whole pot. Period.

Once you have written everything down, you have spoken to someone like a therapist or attorney, and you have imagined the end game you can now make a move.

You may think wow this sounds kind of manipulative. Not really. Think about it. If you stick by someone like in our example, the wife of a child molester, you are not going to ever be received from the family or friends of the child or children. Can you live with this and would that person take your side the same way? If you choose the children and their families can you take the fire of watching them openly go to court and file charges against someone you knew? 

These are real-world scenarios.

Imagine you have to choose sides in a divorce. And yes, you have to always at some point choose sides I don't care how "amicable" you think it is.

Have you had to choose between people who sat on a board?

What about a friend whose husband's business was sued?

How about parents, choosing to stay friends with a child who is marrying a nightmare?

These are all real-life choices we have to make. No one teaches you how to make these choices in real life.

Here is my rule of thumb. It is WAY harder for others to do this than me so take that into consideration. I DO NOT REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR.

If the wife goes to court to support her husband (rewarding bad behavior)

If a parent cheated (Bad Behavior)

I choose to see my child with conditions if they don't approve those conditions that is their choice, not mine. I chose the child they chose someone else. (guilty by association to bad behavior)

I can sleep fine with this simple calculation but I am not an emotional processor. I analysis and maneuver I don't react. 

Whether you lead from the heart or lead from the head you CAN NOT react before taking the above steps. Huge life-changing effects can alter your situation whether short-term or long-term if you don't take these steps in the beginning. If the situation ever shifts you will have covered your basis to maneuver appropriately, again, without impulsive emotional reactions. 

Are you dealing with crisis management in the workplace, church, or personal life? 

Book a consultation at Clvplanners.com