Pitfalls In Leadership on Boards, Committees and Organizations

 

   Spillovertea.com for Podcast

This week on our podcast we dove into the difficult situation of boards and committees. We discussed the personality differences of men vs women on those boards. We discussed common core issues that in a sentence can be summed with personal insecurity projections.

As we got into the bashing and blaming of how petty and immature some of these problems are I thought I would dive into them a little deeper with you.

1. The boards room is never a place to bring your personal issues for a sympathy pat.

What do I mean by that? Well, under no circumstances does everyone come to work to hear the sad story about how many things you're trying to juggle and how difficult it was to even get there much less get your end of the job done. Either do the job or don't show up. Complaining about life isn't an option. Not only do you make others feel burdened and uncomfortable but others at the meeting may be going through worse privately. This starts with the silent eye rolls and the talking heads.

2. Learn to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses both as a benefit.

If you can not handle something there is more respect in simply admitting to such. If someone did a better job than you applaud this. If someone is smarter than you, learn from that. If someone is more creative than you, relinquish the creativity part of the project to that person. Own your talent and leave others to theirs. A board should be filled with several people all of whom have different strengths. Each brings something to be of benefit. Never assume because you do everything that means you will get credit for everything. Either other will take advantage of your ignorance or simply blame you when things aren't done effectively. If you lack the volunteers or board members, acknowledge the lack by saying "I guess there will be no fall festival this year since we have not gotten enough sign-ups." Period. if parents do not like it they will learn to participate, It is called tough love.

3. Don't do it for the applause.

If you are a part of an organization, board, or foundation for applause you're doing it for the wrong reason. Great members expect nothing and give 100 percent. That is the humility organizations need. Now that is not to say that Organization Leaders should not give credit where credit is earned. Leaders stand up for their board members, take the blame when the road gets rocky and give credit to those who did the labor. This makes for well-rounded respect. In exchange, members must respect titles and understand responsibilities. It is not the leader's responsibility to remind you to do your job and it is not the member's job to labor while leaders take credit. Know your role and stay in your lane. That's how unnecessary enemies are made. 

4. Never use sexist comments and no I am not talking to men.

Women talk to women consistently as though I need to have compassion on you because you as a woman are juggling motherhood, being a spouse, and a job. We all are. They also do not want to be micro-managed but want grace when their kid's soccer game got in the way of getting things done. They want you to have respect for them however speak to other women like "honey are you on your period today?" We as women need to again pick a lane and stick to it. Either we want grace for being a multitasking woman or we want respect for our hard-earned work. You can not have both. Stop assuming men don't understand because they don't have it as bad. They don't know what it's like to juggle all these things. First, you are being prejudiced. Men can also be single parents, a 2 parent working home, kids in different schools with games at the same time as a zoom meeting. You also volunteered to participate at this level. You are not doing the world a favor by us being blessed by your presence. Live with confidence and authority. Speak with humility and grace. Learn to clear your mind off distractions and focus. Demand nothing and be grateful for everything. When we are grateful to our team members they are grateful for us as well.

5. Don't be condescending and yes this one is for men.

The biggest mistake men make in 2021 is over compensating to defend their masculinity by talking down to women. They think mansplaining helps deescalate a situation. They lower the aggression by speaking slower, softer, and dumber. This only escalates the problem not deescalates. So how do men handle "not being aggressive" and also "not being condescending." Simple. Keep it simple. Keep the fluff out. Both over-explaining and under whelming comments lead to disasters. When you keep to the task and make the expectation clear you don't leave room for misinterpretation. Both "hey honey do you know how to use a file system" and "Hi, can I show you how to use the file system" are both unhelpful, and yet neither are the same. Simply "Amanda, welcome to the team. The file system is online at your new desk. Mark will be your manager and can answer any questions you may have. We will see you at the 2pm meeting on the 3rd floor." Don't assume she's an idiot who can't do her job and needs you to show her how to use buttons on a keyboard. But give the information necessary to let her know where she has accessibility if she needs clarification. You lead by treating everyone with respect and yet giving grace for growth. Be grateful for your team and help everyone work together. 

6. The most important close to this. GET CONTROL NOW!

Over the past year, I have spent an enormous time on many different boards. Some political, some school-based, some churches, some organizations all have the same issues. When a problem arises, whether it be conflict or confusion, leadership goes south when it does not get control. If there is a conflict address it immediately with all necessary participants. Keep the drama from building. When there is confusion, immediately clarify. Keep the chaos from spreading. Others call others who call others to find out what are we supposed to be doing. Then you lose control. You will usually have one person who starts poking at holes in the foundation. That person if not removed or controlled will cause cracks, rifts, and separation. Dividing your board and getting nothing done. Now, this either comes because you do not have the time to put to attending to your role or from jealousy. Neither are helpful. Time management is necessary for leadership. Set a time each day to address such matters. If you are dealing with jealousy, get rid of it. If the person has done nothing and wants credit get rid of it. If they do everything and you give them no credit own that and correct that so no further dissension is caused. If that person continues to stir up issues it is important to remind them each person needs to understand their roles and responsibilities or it may not be a good fit. Nothing kills good work like one woodpecker. You need unity and you do this but making boundaries and expectations clear early on. If you are non-confrontational, leadership is probably not a place you should be. I am not saying to be a bulldozer, however, good leadership guides, encourages, and keeps the train from falling off the tracks. You wouldn't leave a TNT box on a railroad track and say well we will just see what happens in the future, give it time, it means well. No, get the bomb off the track so everyone else feels safe. When you don't people start jumping off the train and soon your wondering how you got left with a bomb and an abandoned train that doesn't go anywhere.

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Izzy Gentry

CLVPlanners.com